Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
