and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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