The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
