who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
His nipple licking is glorious
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
