I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
