when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
