You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
