u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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