i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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