my being single is dangerous.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
