hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
