Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
