going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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