Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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