she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Two words: nipple clamps
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