No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
