When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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