So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize