i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize