So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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