I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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