apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize