i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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