Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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