I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
