You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
