He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
