Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
