Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
