she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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