what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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