He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize