I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
bring money and cleavage
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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