Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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