Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize