she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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