I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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