I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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