this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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