she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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