i jhust puked up my retainher.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize