We are two peas in an std pod
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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