I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
