Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
