Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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