whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
