Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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