New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
