I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
