Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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