Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
