It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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