my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
