I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
