Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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