I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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