he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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