thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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