you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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