Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
