capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
