I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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