How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
