I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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