thus making me awesome and them whores
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
