youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I need help removing her.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
