Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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