I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I party with great urgency now.
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