He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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