I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
