And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He better not be in your backpack
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
