If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
