Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sorry my hands just texted you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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