Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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