I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize