So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
