you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
