Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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