Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
